illusion of safety

Almost evertyhing in life inspires me; to either start, keep on advancing, or go beyond the normal of the things I do. I revolve gracefully around art, and standing firmly on my beliefs of equality, happiness, and process of betterment in humanity. Incoherent or immature sometime it may be, it tells where I am at the moment of the action.

I struggle for a lot of things, on new and old concepts. Not necessarily whatever works, but often as a trial and error of defining the best way to achieve the end.

I come up with a surreal way of love, that trascends slowly, interlocking and emerge itself with passion and logic. They blur each other out, to the point of creating a new picture. An image of new definition, that constantly recreating newer and newer visions.

I look upward at 45 degree and move forward, hoping the cloud will shade the earth and keep the rain to a minimum. I want to move, analyze, criticize, understand why we are angry or happy. And I want to draw the line to acknowledge that differences exist, but is no excuse as a barrier to not have each other.

I want to share the love. I want to voice my dissent against the ongoing commercialization, privatization, and homogenization of cultural diversities and ways to express the struggle for a better collective society.

I want to share the love through the senses where people would understand that I’m not here to judge, but to collect the thoughts and share their tears of un/happiness, so that I could understand where to start again.

I want to share my love with those who live for a constant struggle for a better world.

I want to understand.

Yes that’s right, that’s fuckin Tom Araya right there. The vocalist of Slayer.

And yes so I went, against ALL odds: the complete business of the week, passport problem, design critic session on friday (the day of the concert), my headache, the lack of time. Against all that plus some more. And as real as it could fuckin get, I went through. HELL YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! Man seriously… I was probably born to be against the world and its oddities. Sometime having it easy is nice, but the satisfaction and rewards for getting it after so much trial and error and complete struggle is worth thousands of those easy ones.

That aside, here’s the summary of what the hell happened in a chronological order.

So as soon as I got the damn passport back with my new student visa in there, I immediately left the black castle to pack and leave for Singapore. I took the 2 o’clock bus (that actually left at 2:30… screw them and their punctuality), and it took about 5 hours to finally reach singapore. There were several stops made, my mistake was for not going with the NON STOP bus. So I was nervously waiting in the bus, see if I’d make it to the concert. And the bus stopped a couple of times for freaking snack break and people getting nature’s calls!!!

So I finally arrived by Johor Baru’s immigration. Showed them the passport and all, and I couldn’t be bothered with going by the same bus again, so I took the liberty of going by Singapore’s own SBS Transport bus (otherwise I had to wait for 30 mins for everybody in my Malaysian bus to clear up their immigration issue). Once it got to the check point and went through the Singapore’s immigration (for some reason I wasn’t picked for their “random searches” this time… weird), I went straight to the taxi stand and told the driver to go slalom on cars and get to the place asap. He said it’d take 45 minutes… turned out it was like 20 mins at most. Sweet.

And I arrived there outside of the place, Max Pavilion in the Singapore Expo area (it’s in the Changi area, near the freaking airport).

Got to know some people and it was fun sharing concert experience with them, and most that I met were really nutty in the head hahahaha. In a fun way, of course. One of them, Anna, from Finland, was crazy ass black metal chick. She looked goth as hell, and she was hoping Slayer would be crazy enough to headbang to. Lol I myself wasn’t really expecting a headbang, but more like an all out mosh (but seriously, what’s with metal chicks only headbanging? Share the love, go mosh…). And there was another guy Eric from America, he was visiting his cousins here and was so glad he came when Slayer is around. And there was some other bunch too, it was awesome. I saw a dude who could be the twin of Serj Tankian (except he was chubbier). And it looked like I was the only one not wearing black hahahahah (even though I wore black short). And this is the time I fuckin realized that the camera I brought was not working properly. AAAH of all times, it has to be this one!

So the gate was opened, Slayer took the stage, and started it off with SOUTH OF HEAVENNNNN!!! SHIT! I nearly wet my pants seeing Kerry King and metalheads raise their devil gesture up in the air. Damn… it felt like…. AAAARGH finally, fuck all this assignments and people who drag me down! Ya know.. feels like there it is, you are with your bunch, now here’s your time to let it all out. And it was freaking great. And it looked like the guys were bigger in Slayer’s pits than in Slipknot’s last time. I kinda expected that.

And the pit was freaking insane, one of the best highlight of the night. The poor kids in the second and third row didn’t get much action going on, so I heard. It was the front row (the one where I was) that had the messiest, most fun moshpit. Man it was nuts. I changed my t shirt to an oblong / sleeveless t shirt. And got in the freaking program. Punches, pushes, smacks, screams of anger (happiness), frustration (gladness), and all around hate (love) was in the air. I saw guys got knocked down, and people were helping him up and apologized. That’s what was cool about it. All this “excercises” were in it for the mosh, and definitely without hard feelings. It was sooo fun crashing against everybody. I went up front right in front of Tom Araya several times, and went back to the pit again, and so forth. I was crowd surfing once, and I had an idea of jumping to the stage, sing along a little, and jumped back to the crowd. But it was harder, physically, to do that than I thought cus people were literally jammed in that space and I could barely lift my legs up to go over the fence.

To my dissappointment, Slayer didn’t play Discpile. ARGH why!?!?! That song is the song of new Slayer! The modern Slayer (by which I’m not saying it’s better than the old school one, but here’s a generation of change, and all should be appreciated). I was so waiting for screaming along to “You know why your prayers will never be answered?” … lol crazy shit.

After the show, I FINALLY met my friend Dirga (who went there a day earlier) and we hung around by the back door of the building to wait for Slayer. And as usual, I’ve always disliked big bands’ crews, they are annoying. We waited for like almost an hour for Slayer to come out, and when they did they went straight to their car. Gah! And again, my camera screwed up, I could only take that pic of Tom Arya you see up there. The dude’s seriously aging. Lol, and I’m pretty sure he’s started thinking about chilling down with his war against God (fact: he avoided playing the song Anti-Christ). He could finally be settling down too, I don’t know. But that night, he was Slayer, he was the frontman of a trash-death metal band, and he was there to sing along with us (or us with them).

So yeah, the poster was sold out so I couldn’t get any, and the t shirt was 40 Singapore bucks a piece, and the only had L when I wanted to purchase them, so I let them go. Yes I let them go…. god damnit! lol. Then Dirga and I took the train and bus to sleep over at his friend’s place for the night, and we went back the next morning at 12:00 from Singapore. We reached KL by 6, went for iftar (that’s buka for you in Arabic) and took the train at 9:30. Arrived in Cyberjaya at 10:15 with sore backs. sore neck, sore waist, sore arms, a little sore throat, and a big fuckin grin on my face.

So based on the story so far, you may think I was having a good time. Well indeed I was, but I really thought it could’ve been better. It was like a lesson, a hard one, that I should’ve made sure that I’ve finished all my assignments before I ever went nuts like that. Now I have 2 assignments piling (one of which is already half way done) for Monday. If I’m diligent enough today, I should get them done soonish. Aaaah time management, time management
Next stop: Yngwie J Malmsteen in November. FUCK YESSSSS!!!!!!

I have also heard rumors that Satyricon might be brought in to Singapore too… If that’s the case… Damn… DAAAAAMN! It’s like a metal year here hahaha.

So well there ya go, the summary of Friday and Saturday. It was fun. And I can finally say I’ve seen Slayer (and confirmed that Kerry King pretty much plays the same solos over and over on every songs lol ).

Hope everyone’s having an awesome weekend!

That’s right! SLAYER HERE I COME!

OK, I’m lacking in sleep. I need some peace of mind. I have so much assignments they’re killing me. I have to start slowing down again on the entertainment and focus more on interior design. God bless me, you, and everybody else.

InshAllah.

ayooo miiiiil!

Dear everybody,

Forgive me if I’ve hurt you in one way or another. Physically and mentally.
I wish I could make you all a nice little gift to make it up, but time constraint and the money shortage disallow me to do just that.
I also would like to apologize for all the curses and swears that slipped out of my mouth. I should’ve known better.


In this month, we’ll learn what it’s like to be hungry at day, and eat just enough before dawn and after sunset. We’ll also learn to hold our anger, forget our grudges, control our desire, and be more respectful to each other. But I bet you all know that already So to make things even better, not only we go passive, we should also go active. We should start smiling more to strangers (who, may be, are having a rough day coupled with hungry stomach), read more books to start getting our brain to adapt to the lack of nutritions at day, donate more, throw trashes away into the appropriate trash can and pick up some non-biodegradable trashes who are left and scatered on the ground, and throw it away to the trash cans (angels LOVE going to clean places). Those are just some of the things I could come up with for now, and I’m sure ANYONE can top that list!

So yeah. RAMADAN KAREEM everybody! Not a month to be grumpy noo sirreeee! It’s a month to be joyful and realize our potential to be a better human being! Hope everybody has a good one today, tomorrow and until the end of the month!

WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with Lim Kok Wing promoting all these parties?

Just to set the record straight: I’m not against partying or any of that, but what the god damn college is doing really brings tears (metaphorically) to my eyes. The college is basically promoting a lifestyle of consumerism, excessive expenditures, and hedonism. What the fuck?!?! Is that what being "artistic" is all about now? I won’t go with the college’s definition of "art" anymore (like I ever have), but now they’ve gone overboard. Yes yes, I know these parties have nothing to do with art, but the fact that LKW has tried to be synonymous with the word "art", I’m pretty sure the image it projects to the outside world is worsen: It used to be known as a college for the rich and pretty, now it’s for the hedonists too.

Look people people… you’ve gotta draw the line somewhere here. A college that is pretty fucking far away from the city has to be able to take that extra mile to provide the students with most of their basic needs, at least academically. But what happens is things are overpriced, incomplete, and so-so quality. That situation coupled with the freaking heat and less-than-perfect "inteligent city", we’re pretty far away from the era of modern civilization.

But I have no problem with all that.

But to top it off with getting students to party so much, without putting into consideration that we live in MALAYSIA, a country where the majority of the citizens are muslims and have certain Asian values to uphold, then that is just too much. I’m all for cultural exchange and diversities (believe me, I do), but the way I see it, this is just nothing than complete waste of money for a mere couple of hours of hedonistic fun. Where the hell has humility gone to? Where the hell are the virtues? And nobility? God damnit people, THEY ARE RIPPING YOU OFF! No one is asking to you to pretend to be poor, but remember what kind of image you’re projecting out there. Some kids have gone here asking permissions from their parents to study in an ART college that (supposedly) has lots of awards and recognition. But do you really think the parents will be impressed by the amount of money the kids are spending on alcohol?

Fuck that no. Lol the more I write the more pissed off I get. Sorry for complaining and not doing anything about it, but this kinda things have to be addressed sooner or later. The fucking college has to evolve. Fuck this shit, I’m done.

10:33 AM

Sometime you wonder if you should give it all, and sometime you wonder if you should draw the line somewhere. Sometime you just feel like you don’t know anything.

12:33 PM

Peace makes us weak.

Ya know… I’ve always rambled about how random life is and variables in our life are the ones that make it interesting. But when randomness comes on hitting you constantly.. do you then get bored of it? I sorta do. Yes expecting the unexpected (ERR ERR!!) can be fun and rewarding and all, but sometimes the more random things are, the blurrier your sight will be; how could you start planning things out then? I’m not really the type of person who plan things out to their innermost detail. No. I preffer to leave some space for things to grow. But when you can’t even plan the next step you should take, how could you even make the step at all?

That was very vague, so let me lay out an example: I’ve worked my ass off night and day on my design project’s presentation, only for it to be postponed again and again, with more and more expectations with every delay. WTF is that all about? And sometime I see the big picture and neglect the details in the corner, that apparently, is the core of the whole painting. I worry about the nuclear attack my enemy’s been screaming for, but I forget about their sudden, mischievous stab from the back. My thoughts are always divided into things that sometime… I don’t even know if they matter at all! Which makes me realize the importance of sorting out priorities and pleasures.

Or maybe it’s the habit. I’m always changing, but there are certain qualities (or vices, whichever you look at it) that will always stuck with me. I’m easy to be changed, as long as you can provide the reasons and back it up with clear and well thought arguments (cus I ask a lot when it comes to shit that defies logic/things that I’m not too familiar with).

I’m a human too, my emotions do overcome my logic at times.

I am blessed with a beautiful and awesome girlfriend, but sometime I’m afraid that my inability to appropriate time and space could hinder me from bringing out the best thing in me.

Now this ramble has gone stray hahahah… I should stop now. I thought I’d write something today and update this little piece of shit called blog.

Happy whatever it is you’re celebrating!

To my friend Ronie aka Boentel. The coolest, funniest cracker on bas2 You’ll be remembered man!

Innalillahi.

Here’s a summary of my weekend: aeon la frashae, living room, and heffalump.