illusion of safety

I just got back from seeing The Wailers (in case, they are the band that accompanied our jah Bob Marley in his carreer), and they were great. I had the opportunity of hanging out and had some chit chat with the band. Aces.

I’m tired of tardiness, people bullshiting each other and even themselves, egos. I FUCKING HATE EGOS! People who forget about great things that happen to them, people who forget about the people who made it happen for them. People who just don’t fuckin care about anything except themselves and their self-esteem. Fuck them.

But I’m tired feeling guilty and annoyed all the time too. It’s the constant randomness that got me by the balls.

Let’s see what I can pull off this semester.

Ah god damnit, now I realize how awesome work was!! I did realize that when I was there, but now I feel it even more. Sure there was a lot of overtime, and sometime the task given was bordering with impossibility. But hey, that’s the fun of it! The challange! I woke up at 6:30 EVERYDAY for the past 4 months so that I can go to work… but now that it’s over(3 days ago), I woke up feeling kinda empty I used to wish "ah why do I go to work today?!", but now I wish I could go back and do some architectural shit. I miss my workmates there, such AMAZING, kind  and funny people.

It was amazing to have life scheduled for a change. Tiring, yes. Boring, sometime. But it fixed my mind clearly and show me what I could accomplish. Speaking of which, I have now come to realize that it’s ALL BULLSHIT when someone says they can’t do something because they don’t have the time. No that’s bullshit right there. You can do pretty much ANYTHING as long as make an effort (and sometime you have to put in more than you are in other circumstance) and believe that you can do it. Yes it’s cliche, but hell that’s a freaking truth. What keeps a person away from being better is laziness. And sadness. And a well arranged and scheduled life could keep those two factors to a minimum.

God I sound like a motivational speaker HAHAHAHAHAHAHA… anyways, this entry is dedicated to my good friends at Arkitek Majubina. I never experienced work as complete as I was with them, so a frazillion thanks. Hope they do well, and my friends could finally take over the company.

Back to guitar, magic, french, and bboyin!

These widened eyes have seen, throughout the time
of self loathes and infuckingdescribable hate against thee
oh my fucking queen
for my crippled ego can never be brought to justice anymore
balance is a word i never know
but i’ve shed an equal amount of blood and tears
and disgusts, oh fuck you! i can not comprehend your thought
my defeat has brought me on knees, on my chest, and finally on my forehead
i could have sworn on the satan that shadows on my past
that i am amused at my own confusion
have i lust? have i loved?
have i fucking died for the sake of your uncertain ego?
i’ll massacre the world and sprinkle poison on the sea
and write a thousand poems in your name
if you fucking let me go and die in peace.

I’ve been trying to calm the sun and the sky
and if only you know how far I could fly
but so are our forgiveness   `
leaving a hole
and left me behind

You will see the light that brought you afar
to nowhere today
let it become you like before
and I would never thought that I would turn this way, though I hope someday
lights are newly set
new play rehearsed

All my way
where I came and where I had to go

And I miss you