illusion of safety

and they come really slow, with a funny ratio of 10 sadness for each smile. The more I seek, the more I search, the less it becomes apparent to me. And when I thought it’s gone, from above I’m sent a new thing to be happy for. But life’s taken for granted, when good thing arrives, I expect it to stay the same (if not better). So I try to keep life as simple as I could, guidelines and all, but nevertheless a scratch can never be avoided; by myself, by the people around me, or by the people I love.

And pesimism brings happiness, because looking up is much better when I’ve looked down for so long. Is this positive? Is this constructive? I don’t know, I wish do. But life is different to every individual; different kind of happiness, threshold for pain. If I’m weak, I may be dead long time ago. If I’m strong, I shouldn’t feel like looking down so I could look at the sky one time.

The more I know, the more I’m hurt, but the more I realize. It happens times and again, yet I don’t stop. Truth hurts. Truth ALWAYS hurts, but happiness doesn’t. You’ve heard it all before… "Ok here’s the truth…" "The truth is…" "I know it sucks, but it’s the truth man."

Does truth ever come in good form?

Yeah, I may be playing with terminology, but think about it and realize it yourself. Happiness doesn’t come in truth. Happiness comes in beauty, smile, warmth, understanding, and control. Yes, control. When you know you have a sense of control over something you’d like to control, happiness is a blessing. And you won’t hear the word "truth" in it.

You won’t hear it.

And as I feel it, happiness comes in pieces and intervaled by truth. Numerous of them. But one day (they’ve happened several times, though which is good to keep me awake), when happiness and joy are solid enough to remind me that I AM in control of my life, they become permanent. And I become introspective, realizing that I have never, ever had to be sad for anything. As troubles tide in to fuck up with my life, I remember that happiness exists and I should look back to understand one thing:

I’ve been there before, and once again I’m tested, but I’ll make it through again.

Even if they come in pieces, hell I’ll engage with my smile and wait for it to be solid.

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